BREAKING: FedSoc Recruitment Up 200% As Masks Become Optional

March 15, 2022 · By Lawn Review Staff · Vol. I, Issue I

Berkeley, CA – Members of the Federalist Society Chapter at Berkeley Law have racked their brains for years trying to recruit from such a liberal student body. But as classes progressed on Monday, March 7, the solution to FedSoc’s recruitment woes began sauntering into classrooms, one by one, in the form of maskless white dudes.

“It was a Godsend for us, really,” one FedSoc member told Lawn Review. “Now that masks are optional, it is so much easier to identify likeminded people who believe in bodily autonomy only for fabric on our mouths. I can tell you it’s already been a lot more effective than our DoorDash coupons for lunch events, or that time I tried to recruit an old guy who sits behind me. He actually wanted me to mask up because he has an unvaccinated toddler or something. I’m not sure. I stopped listening after a while.”

When asked about their success in recruiting maskless students, the student replied, “Well, some people are maskless because they have natural immunity, not because they prefer how America was before the invention of color TV. But hey, it doesn’t hurt to ask everybody. As the saying goes: if the mask fits, don’t wear it.”