California Law Review Cracks Down
CLR submitted an official request to the administration to initiate medium scale construction to insulate its offices from the “non-legacy journals.” CLR also posted on its website that it will begin charging students for peering through the viewing portion of the CLR door for more than five seconds.
“We have asked of Brother Erw- the dean, that facilities bore a hole in the south wall of the building so that CLR drones can enter the space without being tempted to look at, nor needing to be looked at, by inferior journal drones. Don’t put the ‘drones’ part in though.”
This recent development has come on the heels of a string of decisions indicating the adoption of a more hardliner attitude at CLR. The most notable change has been the reformatting of the infamous Write-On Competition that determines who is initiated into CLR.
In addition to the regular masturbatory editing exercise performed during Write-On, pledges will now need to spend their summer partaking of the Spartan Agoge. The CLR Agoge will entail (1) carrying all required textbooks for 1L on head, (2) being able to recite the CLR bylaws on command of a CLR brother, (3) eating all leftovers from the student center fridge (4) spending one day actually socializing with other people, and (5) parallel construction.
Members’ motivations for joining CLR are diverse. “Of course I’m going to Kirkland—are you fucking kidding me? I would literally run down Bancroft naked for a tenth of what an equity partner there makes in a year,” screamed the senior managing editor of the widely reputed journal. Another member shared “I’m actually not in CLR for the resume padding. The truth is I have a genuine passion for reading a fifth of a law review article and lying about source support once a semester. But that’s just me.”
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